Accountability

I woke up at 5:02 a.m. this morning, and by 5:15, I was logging into Zoom. I checked in with my writing buddy and started making coffee. Even though I’ve got a late start on a 2.5hr writing session, I am not sure I would have gotten up without knowing he was waiting in an empty Zoom room.

I’m so tired I went to the wrong cabinet to get my coffee cup.

For the 13 minutes I wasn’t at my computer, I was sitting there on my phone not wanting to get up.

After that I sat sipping my cup and thinking about how I need to get my shit together for 45 minutes, otherwse known as scrolling around looking at funny things or checking the news or scheduling an appointment. I think I have figured out what is stressing me out: a split second interaction yesterday that put me in doubt.

Rather than continuing to hide from it, I’m just going to spend a few minutes in silence.

...

Gratefulness. This always helps, though it is often a very slow start when in a negative state of mind:

What am I grateful for:

1. Being able to identify what is troubling me and to spend a few minutes in silence appreciating what it is.

2. Check-ins with my writing buddy on the hour, who was working through how to stay focused. He arrived at the not-so-trivial idea to look the chapter he was actually working on, “which is always devastating.” I could write a whole book on the hilarious things he says at our writing sessions. It was not only funny, but the moment helped clarify for me what I needed to do, too.

3. The value of steady effort, even if not always focused or effective. Consistency over time and reflection on the process will prevail.

Good luck to all of my readers out there who are desperately looking for the nugget of wisdom that will get you back to the page. Though, to my knowledge, the only people who read this are my writing buddy and anyone unfortunate enough to have me directly text this to them. So, good luck to the two of you.